


Infinite Power

by Echo_Halcyon



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: After Ohtori, Bad Ending, Dark!Utena, Duelist!Anthy, F/F, Gen, Himemiya Anthy Searches for Tenjou Utena, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Inspired by Kingdom Hearts, Jaded!Utena, Mentions of Ohtori Akio, Minor Himemiya Anthy/Tenjou Utena, Ohtori Akio Is His Own Warning, One Shot, OoC Utena, Philosophy, Serious, Tragedy, Utena acts like Akio, Utena acts like Sanetoshi, dense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-21 23:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30029478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Echo_Halcyon/pseuds/Echo_Halcyon
Summary: Anthy has won a series of perilous and incredibly violent duels in her quest to find Utena and shine with her. She only has to defeat one person, the ring leader of this terrible game. Upon meeting that person, however, everything comes into question. The stakes are so much more than princes and princesses, and prize itself might just be worth it. What is infinite power? What would you do with it?
Relationships: Himemiya Anthy & Tenjou Utena, Himemiya Anthy/Tenjou Utena





	Infinite Power

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by listening to Akio and Xemnas from Kingdom Hearts after watching Utena again. Why is anime so exaggerated? Why does the Student Council chase such silly miracles like letting the one you love know how you feel? Why do powerful people wax poetic about something so basic as light and darkness? Is this what is needed for children to understand what we, adults, desire?
> 
> How could we as adults explain the wondrous and yet terrible things we'd do with a miracle to a child? How could they not interpret it as someone chasing a mystical Kingdom Hearts or some incredible energy? What would it take for me to explain it to a teen?
> 
> This is my awful, terrible attempt to do that, written within a few hours. Writing this gave me a headache.

Anthy entered the gondola with a grimace. Instead of a rose seal beneath her, however, there was an ibis emblazoned in reds and pinks. Movement, this elevator wasted no time. The sky, so visible from the bottom of the quasi-elevator, melded from a brilliant blue to a dazzling array of sunset hues and twilight purples. Stars, unimaginable before, now shined like bright gems underneath incredible light. Anthy looked up at the roof of the gondola as she felt the acceleration increase dramatically, faster and faster, as if out of control. A black circle, reflecting nothing down.

Faster, faster, yet faster still. Does she know the starting speed? Stopping, stopping, yet stopping still, does she know the end of this ride? Someone asked this same question, one thousand and one hundred years ago. Did you know that? 

What exists? What is she? What is the fate of the world? What will happen when she, he, they, you, I, die? Back and forth, endless spinning, day and night, babies and walkers all smell alike. A little girl with purple hair, she's so nice. An older man with pink hair, he's so mean. She knows them both — impossible. She's never seen them before. Trains. Subways. Shrine maidens. Bugs. Beetles. Mandibles. Green leaves, green teeth, red mouth. The teeth don't cut. Sticky fingers, red fingers, ants, the plants. Anthy sees it all, Anthy sees nothing. Anthy hears a deep voice, Anthy hears a child's voice. Anthy does not look at the roses, but she does look at the gentle ibis in front of her. She cradles it in her arms, she will never hurt it. It's good enough.

Stop

Stop

**Stop**

_Ding!_

Miraculously, Anthy didn't crash her head into the top of the gondola once it reached the top, though she did hear a tremble from the metal. As fast as it had reached the very top, the door opened as if letting loose a long held breath. Before her was a platform surrounded by the endless sky, a sea of rapture, and just beyond her vision, a pair of panted legs covered by a white coat of some kind descending into white boots. One was crossed over the other, like a bored schoolchild. Just faintly, Anthy could tell that there was a red trim on the inside of the get-up. Her heart trembled, her stomach quivered, and her breath came short.

The reveal. The apocalypse. The absolute destiny: to find this truth before her. Every terrible duel, every terrible flick of her wrists, all one step with her legs. It all culminated and originated from the person in front of her, whose face she could not see. Anthy took a step forward and looked up.

Anthy's mouth literally went agape at the sight in front of her.

Upon the jagged white throne sat a woman with long pink hair and cold, blue eyes. Yet while her eyes betrayed her interest in the person in front of her, her mouth showed a smug grin, impossible in confluence and yet so unbearable in reality.

“Hello, Anthy. How wonderful it is that we finally meet once more. It's been ten long years. I'm glad we could fulfill our awaited promise.” Her voice was airy and dramatic. She moved her gloved hands in a flourish towards Anthy.

Anthy couldn't bring herself to words, instead she found herself drinking in her features, her white coat with brilliant red trims, her long hair, perhaps more voluminous if slightly less long than before. Her face was somehow sharper than in the past, and her eyes, which used to be such open things, now gleamed with predatory and narrow angles. Slowly, a question arose, because she couldn't believe that the person in front of her with such an indifferent and _cruel_ face was her love, the person who saved her from the coffin she had inhabited.

“Who... who are you? Who are you really?"

The sky above them both howled with an unnatural wind, as the stars and the rapturous twilight gleam seemed to rotate above them. Was it in response to her question? When Anthy managed to look up, away from that lovely and terrible face, she saw that the sun had been consumed by a massive black hole. The eclipse was total and merciless, nary a corona could be seen. The woman in front of her didn't seem offended, but her smug grin disappeared.

“My name is Tenjou Utena.” Not-Her-Utena remarked matter-of-factly. A feeling of nausea came over Anthy, and she leaned onto the side of the gondola for support.

“What _happened_ to you?”

“No. What happened to _her_ , is the question that you really want to ask. Of _her_ , I'm what's left. Perhaps, in a way, I have all that she ever was within my heart. Like the changing sky above us, one might argue that I simply have changed through that which was variable. Perhaps your Utena is simply that: the past position of my heart.”

That was new to Anthy. Not-Her-Utena was verbose and liked to hear herself talk. Her Utena didn't do that.

Silence passed between them as the world howled in a language that Anthy could not understand, but the Utena in front of her is fluent in. Anthy finally noticed the weapon Utena carries: a long and narrow _kilij_ , the name coming to her from a long repressed dream, and another hilt that she couldn't identify. A stray thought passed through her head: ' _She used to thrust, not slash'_.

Silence. How could Anthy respond to Utena, whose dizzying phrases seem both meaningless yet profound? Who speaks in the same tone and candor that _he_ did? It'd be so easy if it were him. It is so hard, because it is her. It's Not-Her. 

“It's been such a long time. I have such things to discuss with you, Himemiya Anthy. Don't be like that. _Sit with me_.” this Utena commands. With a wave of her hand a flimsy white chair appeared before her.

“Sit, and I will host us.” she repeated. As if she were lowering herself into cold water, Anthy took her seat. Not-Her-Utena smiled in that smug way and snapped her fingers. In an instant, Anthy was at arm's length from the woman. Between them was a small table with little cookies and tea, just like they used to have, on that one bright day.

Utena never touched the cookies. She didn't hold the teacup with her finger and pinky either. Instead, she grabbed the entire cup with the grip you might give a cup underneath her white leather gloves. When she touched the sides of her teacup, Anthy recoiled from the heat. When Utena took a sip, she made sure to raise her pinky with a little smirk on her face, though her eyes were fixed on the eclipse above them.

It was so ridiculous, so childish, so _stupid_. Utena was busy making silly faces while drinking tea, playing Type-A domination games with cookies? After all of that? After so much suffering they'd all been through _again_?

Anthy threw the scalding cup in her face. The hot liquid came flying out of the little cup as it twisted in the air, yet Utena didn't even flinch. Quickly, though calmly, she raised her other hand. Within it was some sort of pink sphere that shone in the light. The sky above them started spinning, time seemed to slow down, and all of the drops and bodies of scalding tea began to _spin_ back into the cup, twisting along some ever changing axis, upon which the function for a _theta_ couldn't be found.

Utena, upon saving the table and her face from a mess, actually laughed.

_Ahhh-hah-hah-haaah!_

The sound was so different to her sweeter and fuller laughs. Not-Her-Utena didn't cackle or boom, but the sounds she made, that pattern, it too made this Utena look like an alien. She grinned in that godforsaken way she _knows_.

“That was immature, Anthy. My hands are too big to hold the cups by their little handles, you know. No need to get mad over it.” As if that was the issue.

“Why? Why did everyone have to duel? Why did they have to...” Anthy began.

“You mean, why did you duel? Why did _you kill_ them?” the woman uncrossed her legs and leaned in. Within her green eyes, she saw them, she saw them all again. Haunting, clawing, begging, hating. Her mind became a haze that attempted to formulate a response, until Anthy stopped suddenly. Who asked who what question, exactly? _Wait a minute._ Anthy leaned in until they were but inches apart from each other.

“No. I mean, why did _you_ arrange the duels? Why did you do that, after everything? Don't change the question, _you_.” she finds courage, and for a moment sees Not-Her-Utena flinch before she leans back, the same smug smile on her face.

“This world is no Eden, Anthy. There are many Akio's out there who desire to do _things_ to their _sisters_ and to _little girls_. Their darkness corrupts what light remained in their heart, as a virus corrupts and destroys countless cells, or a tumor builds and corrupts tissues. The solution to such things is to _eradicate_ them, to protect everyone before it _metastasizes._ ” Not-Her-Utena puts down the tea and stands up. Her gaze goes beyond Anthy, into the sky around them. The playfulness and biteful tone recedes into something _prophetic_ , as if she is reciting some mantra.

“What does that even mean? How could you 'eradicate' every bad person in the world? What childish nonsense is that?” Anthy pushes. She makes as if to get up, but a look from Utena keeps her seated. She is severe, and her narrow blue eyes have _power_ behind them. Power that she remembers, and that she is used to submitting to.

“The _truth_ is how. Mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, those who fear what could happen to themselves and to others, they have fed their hearts, worried and biting like hail, to the powers that be. Normally this is only attainable to the same forces that would corrupt themselves with such power, and continue this endless cycle of darkness. _”_ She looks into Anthy's eyes.

“Thanks to you, I finally have it within my grasp. And _I — We_ , and those who We control, will end this sham once and for all. A great power will rule over the wicked and brutish. Through their fear, We will give them _freedom_. The freedom to live.” Not-Her-Utena walks behind Anthy's seat, looking up to the eclipse above them. Anthy stares straight ahead at the empty throne.

“Do you see this? I can look up at this black hole sun, and yet I won't go blind. Do you know why that is, Anthy?”

“Because you are incredibly lucky and foolish.” she responds. Utena chuckles in that different laugh of hers. ' _Ah-hah.._ ' She raises a hand, trying to cup the sky.

“In a way. The comprehensive answer is: we are incredibly lucky. The solar eclipse above us is total, and has stood here for as long as we have been talking. That's very lucky, isn't it? And I take this luck and further challenge it by staring into the black hole sun, even though it could recede into a brilliant light that might blind me forever. That's very foolish, isn't it?” A gloved hand presses itself down on Anthy's shoulder. She shivers.

“Why don't you look at it with me? If it should shine, we'd both go blind.” she tempts. Not-Her-Utena can sound so innocent sometimes, but like a twisted nightmare, she is too uncanny. The image of Utena in her mind is different than the one in front of her, and they don't match enough to be tempted by the image. Anthy is left with the woman in front of her, who despite her intellectual monologues and musings, caused yet another round of duels and smiles in a familiar way that she _should not._ Anthy grabs the hand on her shoulder by the wrist and shoots up, pushing Not-Her-Utena back.

“Why did you arrange the duels? What power could possibly be worth the suffering you've caused? _Answer me!_ ” The woman in front of Anthy frowns before opening her right hand once more. The pink orb begins to spin again, and Anthy spins as if in a tango's flourish into Utena's arms, and for a moment, Anthy swears she can see tenderness. She can see the warmth and _nobility_ that Utena's always had. She holds Anthy, as they look into each other's eyes in that dancer's pose.

“It's a tragedy that people must fight to protect themselves and others. I hate it _so much,_ ” she earnestly, even sorrowfully breathes into Anthy's ear. “Their poor hearts and dreams, how tragic to have to end them. But I _know_ you would agree that it was worth doing so to _save you_ , right? That is what I must do for everyone else.” the hot air reaches her throat, as Utena held the small of her back.

“Who are you saving?” Anthy breathes out, half moaning as Utena plants a kiss on her neck.

“You and I. _Princess_ and Prince. _Forever_ and ever. Underneath the revolving black hole sun above us. Underneath the sky that tears itself apart. Don't you want that?” Utena moves her lips and words from her ears to her cheek, and finally down to her lips. If Anthy opens her mouth, will she ever speak again? Would she have to, when she could just kiss and kiss and kiss forever? Underneath the revolving black hole sun? Underneath the sky that tears itself apart? Doesn't she want that?

Anthy puts a finger to the woman — no, Not-He — no, _Utena_ 's lips. Anthy's now-strong arms push Utena back hard enough that she falls on her bottom. Impossibly, Utena looks so much less like a Prince and so much more like something else. Not normal, never normal, not Utena. She gets up to her towering height. She narrows her eyes. Anthy is not afraid. Not after Akio. She's not afraid of Utena.

She's not afraid of Utena.

She's not afraid of Utena.

She hopes. 

“The absolute destiny apocalypse, Anthy. The revelation of absolute destiny: darkness. That is what truly exists in the sky above us. That is why I know the sun will not shine, and why I will _never_ go blind. And once you understand that, you will see why I am trying to gain it's infinite power.” Utena begins, raising her hands up to call upon some power that Anthy can still not comprehend, but that has enraptured Utena.

“ _What does that me-”_ Anthy begins.

“The hearts of man, hearts filled with envy, with wrath, with greed, with _lust_ , with _pride_ , with _darkness_ that consumes them like the _animals_ they are. That is the nature of this world, that is the nature of this sky above us. Specks of light, a faint corona that will never materialize! Stare into the abyss for all eternity, and you will never go blind, but you will be consumed by the maw of black! With this sublime understanding, We will go out into the world, and they will _beg Us_ to protect them!” Her voice becomes more and more powerful, vital, _grasping_. She's turned away from Anthy and almost holds the eclipse within her hands. The sun itself begins to spin, the edges and peaks of its crown spinning as the world itself does, as the sky itself does to the calls of the fanatic in front of her.

Utena slowly begins to rise up to the air in a spellbound focus, the sun itself spinning around her, appearing ever closer, closer to her hands, smaller within her grasp. Her narrow blue eyes widen, her mouth that was once smug and tight now is beaming. She is so _close_.

“ _What is the inifinite power?!”_ Anthy screams as the wind and cosmic madness consumes more and more of her vision. The world itself spins around Utena, revolves around it, is consumed by the abyss in front, above, around, _in_ them.

Utena looks at her right palm, wherein a pitch black sphere spins rapidly, like a pulsar or black hole, yet with a corona of light surrounding it and being drawn in all the same. She looks at it obsessively.

“The self and the others, your heart. To understand the heart. The resting place of hearts. Endless hearts, whose nature and interaction are within my grasp, whose fate I hold. The question _Mengzi_ and Emerson and Hegel and Marx and Socrates and _Kongzi_ and Hobbes and everyone has ever asked, Anthy! I have found it!” she exclaims, not containing herself from gushing in pride. The crushed dreams and bodies of those who have fought on this arena are not even registering, yet Anthy knows they make up that abyss. She frowns.

It ripples. The infinite power Utena has been looking for ripples and quivers in her hand. She looks up at Anthy with a grimace.

“I have found it.” she repeats, “Once I take the last piece I need from your heart. It would have been easier if you'd just let me have your heart.” she drawls, holding out her _kilij_.

“I thought you said you hated that people had to fight.” Anthy draws her rapier.

“And yet, they do.” she unsheathes her terrible blade. The steel sends a menagerie of light upon the arena, the spinning stars and sky. But so does Anthy's rapier. 

However, only Utena's _kilij_ is serrated like a shark's mouth.

“I am very good at fighting, Anthy. Give up, and it'll be painless. You'll be mine, forever and ever, in eternal bliss and protection. Nobody will ever hurt you again, will ever take you again.” Utena _begs_ Anthy, her excited voice now back to the controlled creature it was when she stepped out of the elevator. It sounds desperate and sincere, but Anthy has heard that same tone so many times now, and Utena isn't even crying.

“I'll be very safe, I imagine, in a cage. But I won't shine. I want to shine together, _with you_. _Please,_ let this go." But Utena doesn't budge. 

"What would you even do with something like that? This is the real world, you can't take it over with some magical power!” Anthy pleads. She desperately continues, “We can _fix_ this, Utena. You've seen it already, you've seen the infinite power, and it quivers when you look away from it! You _can't use it_ , Utena. It doesn't work beyond the palm of your hand! It's _not infinite!_ ” The sphere ripples and shakes, and the now wide-eyed Utena lets out a horrible scream.

“No! It's _you_! You're making this power shiver. You - you - _wi_ — no! I promised... that you aren't a witch... but you're doing something!” Utena breaths in and out, taking a few steps back, constantly looking at her palm as it shakes. The world itself begins to distort, shaking and trembling around her.

“If _you_ make this power disappear, Anthy, it'll all be for nothing! Every death, every crushed hope and dream, every cut and tear from these duels, it'll all be _your fault_ if this disappears because of you! After everything I've — we've — done, are you going to destroy everything?” she yells, pleads, begs, all in one.

A symphony of urges and pleas, echoing in the endless sunless sea above them. The monad in the palm of Utena's hand, in the iris of Anthy's eye, wobbles once more as Utena hyperventilates. Her cool and collected demeanor she once held has become the same look that she only saw one time, when she left Ohtori.

“Is it infinite, Utena?” Anthy finally asks. Utena stares at the sphere. “Is this infinite?” she mutters, looking into the abyss for answers, and just maybe, she will look up at Anthy instead.

The abyss stared back at her. She's seen it.

“Yes. It's infinite. Once it has consumed enough. Once it rules over the unworthy. It's infinite.” she calmly says, her old voice returning to her.

“And if the ruler is destroyed?”Anthy grips up her rapier defensively. Utena handles her sword lazily, her real weapon is in front of her.

“It will only be destroyed by a new infinite power. The greater infinity of infinities, like the infinite infinities between the number zero and one. Vastly greater than the infinity of integers. Like the black to the corona.”

“And you?”

“Above humanity, to protect everyone. To save the world. To rule over the hearts of darkness." her mantra.

"I'll preserve you, and you'll shine in the palm of Our hand.” Utena finally looks up and brandishes her sword.

Anthy vaguely thinks that Utena must be immensely strong. There's no way she could hold up a curved blade like that with one arm otherwise, not while focusing on the sphere that spins in her other hand. It'd be alluring, if it wasn't so terrifying. Anthy's heart begins to beat in her chest, her mortality finally becoming acute. Utena herself has returned. A purpose has entered her eyes, but she isn't possessed.

It'd be easier if she was.

But something remains, despite the red trim in Utena's coat, and the red trim in Utena's heart. Anthy looked into her eyes. They were sharp, perhaps not as wide-eyed as before, but maybe that was better. It was better to be narrow-eyed and safe than wide-eyed and defiled, probably. Eureka. 

Utena looked at Anthy, and Anthy let herself return the tender look. Utena graced her with a gentle smile.

“I forgive you, by the way. For stabbing me. I understand why you did it. I don't hold it against you. I'm not fighting you because of that. I'm fighting you because I want to, because I have to, understand? In a better world, Anthy, we would be lovers, living in a little apartment together with plants and cookies and tea. We'd watch silly movies and weird game shows. We'd _love_ each other and it would be alright.” Is she looking at her, or at her in a cheap couch in an apartment? Why does forgiveness make her feel relieved? Why does she care for the opinion of this woman who they both know could never belong in that better world?

“This isn't a better world. This is a terrible, terrible, world.” Sorrow follows Utena's words. Anthy cannot deny that this is _her_ Utena. As it always was. Yet, was it ever _her_ Utena? It was always Utena. The possessives of lovers are just exaggerations. It was always Utena.

“Can I ever convince you that it isn't so terrible, and that this power isn't necessary? That we can live in that little apartment?” It's the final question.

“No. It was good to meet you again.”

“It was.”

As the world began to spin again and again, curves became rays, and rays became curves, and the absolute destiny apocalypse was fulfilled.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed. I feel like I could have included the duel itself, but what would it accomplish? What would change if Anthy or Utena had won? We all know that in this world of adults, of people and power, that they couldn't take any chances. If the other had survived after losing, what life would be left? What life would remain for this jaded Utena who has so little faith in the world and those in it? How could this Utena go on living after the things she's done? What life even remains for an Anthy meant to spin in the palm of Utena's hand, in the abyss or the pink world that spins around like marbles in her hand?
> 
> I'd love for folks to comment on your thoughts, critical or otherwise. I'd doubly appreciate it if you wrote some analysis of what I tried to do! I won't go too in depth here, where everyone can see it, but maybe eventually I'll really think about it. I will say that basically everything in here is purposeful. Utena herself has a very specific moral philosophy. I wonder what exactly motivated certain lines?
> 
> As for what the infinite power is, I think that's another fun question for people to consider. I've tried to be vague and yet meaningful with the ramblings. What do you think it is?
> 
> What is a heart, or soul? Kingdom Hearts has a very silly usage of the word heart for emotions and personality, and a soul for some personification, but is Utena using it in that manner? In some ways, I think that this Utena has a far better definition than that series. 
> 
> I'll interact with all of your thoughts and questions, so please, ask and comment away. This is the first thing in a long time I've ever published, so I'm very thankful to you for reading this.


End file.
